Sunday, June 19, 2011

Question to Married and Single bloggers

 Good day all, 

Today is Father's Day here in the states, so happy father's day to any father reading this(i doubt there are any fathers reading this, considering 95% of my blog followers are women, but anywho). While at church this morning, i thought about an interesting topic that i have been wanting to post about for awhile now: marriage. 

 Question to my Married bloggers:
What traits do you think single women should be looking for in a man? How did you know that you found the "One?"

 Question to my Single(if you are not married you fall in this category) bloggers:
 What traits are you looking for in your future husband?

Please feel free to answer honestly, because i think married people can teach the single maiden alot, and singles ladies can learn from other singles.

Have a blessed day, Chizzy ;D


i_amEatingRight said...

I've been happily married for 6 years. I was friends with my now husband for about 3 years before we started dating. We dated for almost 5 years before getting married.

I don't necessarily think one needs to wait for 5 years but waiting at least a year before getting engaged is beneficial to truly get to know someone. Those masks are hard to keep up beyond a year. Trust your instincts and those of the people in your inner circle.

I thought I had found 'the one' a couple of times but my parents reaction made me really look at the relationships. You know? They were right about those guys! Not a good look at all :)

Lastly and most important, pray. God has a plan to prosper you. The same week I prayed and my husband prayed (separately) that God would bring into our lives the person who would marry is the same week we began dating.

I know it's a long-winded answer but marriage is such a big decision. I'm thankful for God's blessings.

Great question!

Chizzy D said...

Hi I_am...thx a bunch for your detailed response. I totally agree with you, i think friendship is very should be able to laugh and talk and enjoy each other's company.

I have heard the thing about waiting @least one year..because people's true selves come out after awhile.
I like that you included your parents in your decision.

And yes prayer is KEY!!
May Christ grant you many more amazing years of marriage.

N.I.L (Naijamum in London) said...

I have been with my hubby since I was 17. Married for 12 years and I'd HONESTLY do it again.

I cannot tell you that I knew he was the ONE...because I didnt even have a clue what the ONE should be like.

However, I knew he was special because he let me be me.

I have never been the 'conventional Naija' girl i.e. when he met me I had a Grace Jones hairstyle; I was a co-owner of a business at 21; A total tomboy etc etc. Unlike most Naija men, he let me be me.

The ONE should accept you the way you are and love everything about you - faults and all. Above all, - like i_am said, he should be your friend first.

Chizzy D said...

@N.I.L...thats a good one, someone that you can completely be yourself around...which i guess goes with being friends.

By they way you sounded like a really cool person when you were 21...i too can relate to being(being called) different.

Chizzy D said...

Also u know how many people i have heard say that they don't know if they would marry their husbands again if they could go i'm happy to hear that you would do it all over again. May God Grant you many more amazing years of marriage.

LadyNgo said...

Single gal here.

The first thing i look for in a partner is compatibility. All the looks, and education and all that is for naught if we are constantly butting heads and can't get along on the most basic level.

I also think its important for him to respect me and my opinions, goals, etc. As i likewise should respect his.

A man that has a good and functional relationship with his parents (particularly his mom) and his siblings where he respects and honors them but is capable of disagreeing with them at times and making his own decisions (respectfully so, of course)

And then of course there are all the generic prerequisites like God-fearing, attractive, smart, funny, hardworking, etc.

What you look for and what God has in store for you are not always the same thing though. Very important to remember!

N.I.L (Naijamum in London) said...

I had to come back before going to bed :))
Thanks for the lovely prayer. Amen
BTW - If you carry on being positive and nice..the RIGHT ONE will come along. Positivity attracts positivity :)))

Chizzy D said...

@ladyngo...yay for being the first single gal to respond.

Hmm...i think a man that loves and respects his family, but is capable of disagreeing with them is a good one. You don't a person that can't make their own decisions, yet you don't want a person that doesn't even listen to their family's thoughts and options.

What you said about God is a good point because i have spoken with married people who said that who they married did not necessarily reflect who was on their list. It is also possible that some of them settled though.

Chizzy D said...

@N.I.L..what you said about positivity applies to all types of's something i'm learning.

Northern Girl said...

Thanks I-amEating Right and NIL for confirming things for me (I'm taking notes now ehn lol)-- I am single, and I also think that The One should be someone that can let me be myself, whom I can play and joke with (ie. my friend).

enybees-hub said...

@ Iam eating right and N.I.L I like your comments

@ Chizzy: I'm single-ALMOST ‎​married to that special ONE. He didn't look like the six pack hunk with impeccable language,fine hair cuts etc,LMHO but he looked rough edged,jagged extremely hard working, willing to learn, "extroverted" young man with a lot of zeal for God. I'm happy to have a guy who's waiting to fulfil the scripture "he that finds a wife,finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord", I also know I have a lot of roles to play to fine tune and polish till he is as gold.
I really took time to ask God about him and got confirmations from my family and close friends that he is that ONE I've waited all this years for. Ours isn't a case of masks and pretence, cos he's a very open person who says things as they are,and that made ‎​​me to be sincere with him not trying to be superficial. We've been vulnerable to each other.

We've been friends for 2years, started dating last July and I've been at peace for the first time all my life with him. Quite frankly, I ran from saying a yes to him for some reasons and one being that I always wanted a tall, big guy since I'm also tall and big but my fiancee is slim and just about my height. Even though all the resistance was some initial yanga,I had always liked him when we were just casual friends. Today,I have no regrets I'm marrying him and I trust God that 20 years down the line,I'd still say this: AMEN!

Btw: Don't get ‎​​me wrong with those words rough-egded and jagged description oh. He's just waiting to happen like gold in my hands :D

Anonymous said...

The traits i looked out for were: height, education, sense of humour, does he smoke and drinks? & FAMILY BACKGROUND! matter how the love is sweet, or he is the ONE{i really don't know how some women know o!} he MUST have a steady income & does not come with a lot of extra baggages{extended family palaver}....take care.

@ilola said...

I look for a man who can be my spiritual head, spoil me, support me in my ambition and let me explore the potentials inside of me. And I found that person.

kimvan said...

I am expecting 'the one' to be a committed Christian as I believe that a man should be able to encourage his family in this way. Also someone who knows how to wear the pants in a relationship but not abuse this role. It would also be nice to have someone who shares my interest of travelling and who knows how to relax and have a good belly laugh.

Gospel Girl said...

Love this question, its interesting....
For me, the guy has to be
-in love with God 105%
-someone with a plan/vision and some source of income, who can support me and our future children
-my best friend, someone I'm totally free around and talk about anything with.
-someone who supports me n my goals and respects my family
-someone honest, faithful, caring and trustworthy
-He doesn't have to look like Denzel or be 6 foot tall...but he HAS to be someone I'm attracted to who makes my heart go boom boom You feel me gal...hhhmmm

Natural Nigerian said...

I would say:

1. A man (as opposed to a boy). An obvious point but shouldn't be taken for granted
2. A man with principles.
3. A man who let's you be you ( I have natural hair and I do not always go with the tide in terms of fashion...this is important).
4. A generous man...not just generous with money but with his other resources like time and affection.
5. Someone with a sense of humor.

Chizzy D said...

@northern gal..welcome.

@enybee....what a lovely story..I am excited for you as your enter a new chapter in your life. Please share pics with us, if you can. :)

@Nitty...i was waiting for your comment. Thx for your honest reply, i've heard financial problems is one of the biggest causes of divorce.

Chizzy D said...

@ilola...yay i learned that from reading your 100th post article. Congrats. May God grant you an amazing marriage.

@kimvan.. i agree, a man should be the leader of the house, yet he is also called to "LOVE" which in my opinion is greater than being called to submit.

Chizzy D said...

@GG...girl i think we twins, except for the Denzel the 6 foot part..cause i'm tall.

@NN....Are you married? And about the natural hair part, i've only met "BOYS" that didn't think natural hair was beautiful. I'm excluding everyone above the age of 60 and is Nigerian. lol

Myne Whitman said...

It's been interesting reading all the comments, and I agree with everyone in one way or the other. One thing to bear in mind is that we're all different, and what works for others may be different for you. In addition to already mentioned traits, me I like a man (yeah NN :)) who can be open and share himself fully with me.

natural nigerian said...

Hey Chizzy. No I'm not. That's why my list is so long, lol!

Chizy K said...

my list is really long, but most importantly he must have love and respect for God, for me and for man in general.
It's only when he has passed this first test would i then proceed to my long list LOL....

Chizzy D said...

I agree, what works for one person, works differently for others. I was thinking about that. list was not long.

@Chizy K...makes sense.

Ms. Yellow Sisi Unspoken said...

Ah the golden question at the moment I'd say i have no list because it has failed and almost broke me before So now It's a man that has so much zeal for God and treat me right drawing me deeper to God rather than pulling me away.

with that said having no list does not mean settling for any man that comes our way afterall there are many out their that wear the "Christian mask" expecially when it's time to get marriage you know the brother's and sister's that come to church in hope to find a wife or husband after so much

The Corner Shop said...

Wow the comments are as good as the post! I'm looking for many traits oh- i want a Harlequin guy, simple and shot. But back to reality. There was a time i had a list, but now i just don't know!! One thing he must be though, is God fearing


Chizzy D said...

@ms. yellow...i completely understand because my "list" has changed so many times. When i was younger, i had a VERY long list of stupidness...then i went to no list..then to a list of three a list of ten i don't really want to have a list anymore...its ever changing.
I've also spoken to people who were happy with who they married, even though the person didn't fit most of the things on their list.

The Christian mask thing is funny to me because you can't pretend forever..that why i think iamEatingRigt's comment about waiting awhile is important.

Chizzy D said...

@corner shop..The comments made the post in my opinion, without the amazing comments on here, the post would be pointless.

Omoregee said...

Hmmmmn, interesting comments.

I would love to see a God chaser n lover, confident n secure to let me be me n reach heights yet to attain, upwardly mobile, responsible n mature.....who understands n accepts my person...a very principled man become my husband. These among many other qualities :)

businesslady said...

Hmmm very insightful i thought about this question and it made me think 'why do i want to get married?'...hmm maybe another topic for In addition to everything that's been said, a guy whose smile stretches from Cali to Mississippi is a way nice trait as

Chizzy D said...

@omoregee....Amen to that.

@businesslady...yo chicka, i guess if one answers your question, it will give them insight to what they should look for.

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